Currently I am on a train speeding across Germany.
Yesterday I was in Nepal.
Last week I had a completely different future. One that involved staying in Kathmandu and then exploring the rest of South-East Asia. Maybe even heading over to China to teach english.
Tomorrow I will be living in a castle in the Eastern-German town of Herrnhut.
And yes, I am alone. And life at the moment is pretty crap.
A note on breakups
Break ups suck. Break ups when you are travelling suck even worse. You lose your safety, your stability in an unstable world. Suddenly the world seems like a scary place and not the exciting adventure that it did just days earlier.
Breakups are felt in the quiet moments before dawn when you wake up alone in a bed that isn’t your own. They are felt when you momentarily forget that they aren’t here anymore. When you find something funny on the internet and have no one to show it to. Breakups are felt in the moment before your plane takes off and you have no one to hold your hand and laugh at your nerves.
On this train going across Germany, I am heartbroken but hopeful.
I am starting to feel little glimpses of a happiness that I haven’t felt in a long time. I am excited to become the person that I want to be, to make new friends and to be strong and independent. In the days after the break up all I wanted was to go home. Be enveloped in a warm hug from my mum and spend time snuggling my cat. I wanted to hop the next flight and disappear from the world. But that would have been the easy option. That option would mean that I would be going backwards. I would become sadder, weaker, and I would be giving up. I would be further away from who I wanted to be.
So I took the harder option and I am almost positive that it was the right choice. From my train window, I can see flowers blooming across Germany. White and pink blossoms are rising up from the green fields. Spring is here.
New plans and a few changes
This blog, although not popular or successful by any means, has made me realise one thing. I love to write. I want to be a writer. I want to write blogs. I want to write books. I will continue writing this blog to the best of my ability but it is going to be a little bit different from now on. As the blog is now fully mine, I want to make it more personal. More of a chronicle of my life, my thoughts and my feelings. It will still be primarily a travel blog but with a little bit of a twist. Please just bare with me as I find my feet and explore what I want this blog to be.
In terms of travel plans, I will be staying in Eastern-Germany for the next three months and then going to an unknown location for two months after that (I will keep you posted!). After Germany I will heading to L.A for my sisters wedding (exciting!) and then to the tiny island of Mauritius (my home) for Christmas. After that, who knows? If I have learnt anything, it’s that life is unpredictable.
Leaving Nepal
Leaving Nepal was hard. I loved this dusty country with its fluttering prayer flags and its snowy mountain peaks. More than anything, I loved hanging out with my sister.
Just yesterday on my way to the Kathmandu airport, in an attempt to dodge some nasty traffic, my taxi driver took me on a back route. After going down an endless number of winding streets we came out near a huge slum settlement on the side of a river. We drove for kilometres alongside the river and the slums did not stop. The houses were built with old billboards, scrap wood and mud. I watched as the people in the slums went about there daily lives living in scrap and filth.
Although I was leaving Nepal with my heart broken, these people had their hearts broken everyday.
They woke up everyday in the same falling down shelter, they watched their children get sick and die, unable to afford healthcare or basic sanitation. They watched the world go by in their cars and on their motorbikes, wearing their clean clothes, having fun. They watched school children walking home, getting educated and having opportunities whereas their children played in piles of rubbish.
How could their hearts not break everyday with the utter unfairness of it all?
And I thought, if the hardest thing I have to go through this year is getting over a failed relationship that ended amicably, then boy, am I lucky.
Sorry if this post is a little bit of a ramble and all over the place. I would love to hear how your year is going. Leave me a comment or send me an email at dirtypawsblog@gmail.com.
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Hi Jo! I send to you a virtual hug! Breakups are very tough, but I believe they always come for the good. I had a relationship that lasted 9 years that ended something like 1,5 years ago, and though at the beginning I was lost, scared, sad, I find myself now happier than ever. I didn’t like my alone time THEN, but when I think about it now, you know it might have been one of the best times of my life. You are truly free then, even though it scares you cause you’ve been in a relationship for long, now you are truly free and you. You can do what you want! The greatest advice I can give is to make the most out of your alone time, and really enjoy it! Until the next person will come into your life, and when you are happy and serene, it won’t take long! 🙂 a big hug -Pam
Thank you so much Pam. Your words are very comforting. It helps to know that everyone goes through times of pain and sadness. I am really looking forward to becoming just Me again and feeling free! xx
Hi, Jo!
This is such a beautiful post. Breakups are hard. I just start imagining what you are going through and I can feel a tear coming on. I’m not sure if this is necessarily helpful but what I found that helped me best after a breakup, was traveling. It just gave me so much perspective, and taught me so much about myself. You’re on the right path. Cherish all the happy moments. I think you will only be a better person after this, so keep going. You have picked the right, albeit, more difficult path.
I love your blog and will continue to follow your adventures. Take care! 🙂
Hi Marj!
Thank you so much for your kind comment. It helps to know other people have gone through the same thing. Travelling is so good at keeping things in perspective. No one has died, I am healthy and things are going to get better. 🙂
Hey girl sorry to hear you went through something so heavy but I send you happy thoughts and hope the transition makes your trip even better! Email if you need anything
Thanks Rachel. You’re a good internet friend 🙂
Hey lass, sorry to hear the news and I can imagine it would be hard especially just as you say with being in a foreign country and travelling but I reckon that same thing will make it all better for you as you’ll have loads to see and do that’ll help you get over your heartbreak.
I’ll definitely be continuing to keep up with your posts as I have enjoyed them since discovering them a wee while ago and gotten some great idea’s and tips from reading them so good luck with the travels lass and keep up the great posts 😀
Thank you so much. I appreciate your comment very much! I’m so glad you are enjoying my blog. Out of everything I am realising how much I love writing it especially because of the travel blogging community. Travel and friendship are the best healers.
Sorry about your breakup and that you won’t be coming to China anymore, but it looks like you have got some good plans and adventures up your sleeves. It’s Spring now, the best time for a change 🙂
Thanks for the comment 🙂 I will definitely be coming to China in the future even if it is just to stuff myself with dumplings. 🙂
I just found your blog through Rachel at Hippie and Heels, and I’m so glad you did. I’m in Germany, too (have been for 3 years), so let me know if you have any questions, although I’m definitely on the complete other end of the country.
I’m sorry for your break up. I had similar heart break a few months back. The space was good for both of us, but oh the feeling of heart break is indescribable. I wish you all the best and look forward to reading more!
Thanks Alex! Im so glad to have a German reader. Heart break sure does suck but it does get better with time thank goodness. 🙂
Great post. You made me think of all these people. I love traveling, too. It is the most precious thing ever – memories! Don`t be sad for your relationship. It is wasn`t meant to be. Greetings!